well it has been a long time between posts....

and it has been a long long long couple of months in our lives.... On the 6th of November I recieved a phone call which halted my life. My mum was gravely ill in a hospice and had been given a week to live. I was shocked to the core and nothing in my entire life had prepared me for such a moment. It was horrible and gut wrenching and surreal. After a mad dash to find a passport and book a flight I was able to get back to NZ to see her on the friday. I spent most of that night with her showing her pictures the kids had done for her and video of them playing. It was so sad to see my once vivacious and colourful mother turned nto a limp rag doll devoid of colour and passion. The next day she passed away at 3:30pm. I was present as she left us and gave her last breath-a moment etched in my memory forever and one I shall never forget. The following week was spent doing all the frantic running around of funeral organisation and disasembling a life held within a home and dealing with annoying petty family politics. It was weird not seeing mum walking and talking in her house and quite odd walking around the garden without her telling me the names of her plants and how they were all doing. Her essence was in so much stuff and I wanted to bring it all home with me on the plane so it she would never leave me. Now it is over 2 months since mum left us and there is not a day goes by when I don't think of her or shed a tear. Often it will be over the silliest and mundane things and I will find myself bawling my eyes out. Our little Monday afternoon chats have been really missed but I now find myself finding a quiet place and talking to her about everything and anything and not really letting her go...just yet.... I miss my mum.